We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
