Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
