Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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