Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
