Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
