Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
