paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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