as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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