i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
