apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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