we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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