they need to just BURY HIM!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
