I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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