Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
