Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
