I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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