Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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