M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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