dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
BRING THE BAGELS
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
