I think i peed on brittanys purse
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
