the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
