Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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