I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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