Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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