I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
