Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
