Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
