great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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