I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
