He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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