Can i not drive my cunt home
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
