I need help removing her.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
