you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
