She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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