Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
