and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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