Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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