a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
