Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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