I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
