well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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