Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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