Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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