Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
