the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
