our cab driver is having phone sex.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
