Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
