Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
