I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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