you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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