remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
