There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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