somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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