I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
