why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
