Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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