her vagina looked like bernie madoff
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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