So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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