Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
