moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
