Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
