You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wish my penis had a tongue
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
