At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
