I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
