No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
