My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
