you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I see more hoeing in ur future
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