to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
