overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
