quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
