I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
