he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
