I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
