dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
