he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
