with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
