He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
