Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
