I must be too annoying 4 u.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im about as happy as oj after his trial
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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