My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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